Part 4- Why this theory has the potential to help all Mannies

The common thread, the center of it all -Manual Brain Processing. 

*Please note I am attempting to simplify the most abstract of concepts, not intending to generalize*

THIS IS THE ONE thing that BINDS ALL MANNIES TO THE SPECTRUM. This is why I believe this theory can be applied to EVERY Aspergers. If they do not manually operate their brains, they are not on the spectrum and they Have an automatic (Neurotypical) brain. That’s the one thing that ties them all together. They all have different symptoms, behaviors and levels of functioning, but THIS is the one that ties them to the spectrum. The thing that makes it hard, is that manual processing is all they have ever known, they don’t even always know they operate manually, only that it requires SO much mental work to operate and live in the world around them (where everyone has automatic processing-Neurotypicals)

Mental survival mode is the direct result of the manual brain processor

Because they must operate their brains MANUALLY, requiring SO MUCH MENTAL BRAIN POWER, their brains are ONLY CAPABLE of handling so much energy at any given time they are FORCED to enter and function in MENTAL SURVIVAL MODE. In this self-preservation, they seem to essentially shut off or stop using areas of the brain that require too much brainpower. Like a manual factory with only 50 workers doing the job normally required of 500, they must work all day and night and still they MUST shut down portions of the factory deemed unimportant to focus on the parts of the factory deemed important.

In daily functioning, it wouldn’t even be POSSIBLE to operate all the parts. This is often unfathomable to neurotypicals who automatically run their brains, we are unaware of all the work the brain does, so the concept that all parts of aspies brains aren’t being used or accessed is rarely (if ever) considered.

For Mannies, it seems the part of the brain that assumes leadership is the analytical and logical portion. This part of the brain thinks it can run this brain most effectively by only absorbing and processing information that is logical and therefore simple to process, and requiring less mental energy to complete. The brain only knows how to accept things that make sense to them, only things that are logical can be processed, filed and stored (Necessary box).

ANYTHING else must be discarded as quickly as possible to eliminate the storage of mental waste, these things are too mentally taxing to comprehend. They must be rejected. They need to retain as much mental energy to function. (Not Necessary box)

2 box explains it all, 4 boxes can solve SO much.

Nearly everything about their current behaviors can be explained by these two boxes and ways of thinking. Below I include common behaviors EXPLAINED!

The most AMAZING NEWS I discovered is that it’s POSSIBLE to show them HOW to recognize OTHER file folders. When they see a file has a LOGICAL PURPOSE and A PLACE TO STORE IN THEIR BRAIN, it relieves them to know that all things have a place and can be properly processed and stored. This creates mental HARMONY. Previously we just tried to show them that something was logical, but with only one folder, there was never a place to file it and therefore could NOT be processed.

How to help them access the other folders (boxes)

Like a break in HTML code in a website that prevents a picture from appearing on the site, they are unable to recognize these folders’ existence in their brains right now (or boxes) because again, the analytical brain is only able to logically comprehend things. We are essentially fixing the break in the HTML so the image appears on the website by showing them a NAME, LOGICAL PURPOSE for these new folders, and LOGICAL CRITERIA for sorting things there. I show them how to asses the mental ENERGY expended too. When they see that there is either little to no risk in storing these files, they do so easily. The whole point is to show them something logical. If the process is not logical, it will not compute in their minds.

I came up with several questions and logical criteria that my husband could ask himself to know how to file things. This was something I had to really slow down and break down in my own head, since this happens nearly instantaneously in a neurotypical brain. These questions will essentially eventually allow their brains to create automated processing or shortcuts for them later as they learn how to incorporate it. (Like learning sight words when learning how to read) With enough practice, their brains will eventually do it automatically. This increases brain flexibility, lowers mental stress, decreases anxiety, and overall makes them happier! We are essentially showing them EXACTLY how to compress files in a logical and analytical way that makes sense to them. Essentially teaching them how to learn how to sort like a neurotypical. The instructions are broken down into logical steps.

Their brains make shortcuts all the time

We know their brains are capable of recognizing patterns and recognizing shortcuts because that’s what they do with the things that make sense. In fact, they are geniuses with it. Subjects that are predictable, like math and science have patterns of understanding, they nearly instantly see and recognize these patterns and their brains immediately wire and rewire to create shortcuts to reduce mental load. They just need some more coding instructions.

Compressing files reduces mental load

 I showed him how to make files that were once super big and mentally taxing, smaller so they can take up little to no mental energy. (That is a result of the Risk Assessment criteria I created for my husband)  The Key is the logical criteria for filling and processing information. Before, he always assumed the risk was too high to store files outside of his necessary folder because there were NO OTHER FOLDERS. Meaning nothing made sense, therefore requiring LOTS of mental energy when trying to wrap their mind around it.

The 2 boxes we discovered

Just like men did not create the stars, but discovered them, we did not literally create these folders/boxes, etc.. But we discovered them and want to help you discover them in your minds too. These boxes/ folders live in parts of the brain that have been shut off when the brain started to self preserve its resources.

Third Box

LABEL: Enrichment Folder (Box)

Purpose: The place you store things that have been marked as important by loved ones because these things make them HAPPY and ENRICH their lives. If you are married, this box might be full of your spouses things. All the things she tells you are important to her that she wants YOU to care about belong in this box/folder. Her interests belong in this folder. Her clothes, her hair, her hobbies, her friends, her shows, her spending choices, how she spends her free time, her opinions, favorite foods, etc… Pay close attention to this box when it pertains to her feelings, feelings are often from her OWN necessary box. The benefit of this box is that this box brings joy to those you care about. Sorting and processing these things help your loved ones feel important and loved by you and become closer to you emotionally. This is the world where you can go to be with your loved ones without being in pain. I’ll show you how.

Measurement: Risk/Benefit = Level of Risk VS. Level of loved ones happiness.

Criteria for sorting:

Start with Stimulus/ Item to be examined: (This can be anything that doesn’t make sense regarding those you love thats causing your brain distress. It can be a request from them, or a behavior that is bothering you. Plug it in these steps.)

1. Ask yourself if this is important to someone you care about? (Usually this is yes, If not, it doesn’t belong in this box!)
2. Ask yourself if it harms your resources in ANY OF THESE WAYS BEYOND what you are capable of EXPENDING. **SEE RISK CHART** Meaning, will it absorb more of what you have…
3. Ask yourself what the purpose/benefit of this would be? (This is usually the level of happiness of the person it pertains to)
4. Weigh the level of RISK to the LEVEL of BENEFIT. (Most items are LOW RISK/ HIGH BENEFIT)
5. Can this be reevaluated again if circumstances change? (YES) *Meaning, if I find myself in a situation that is approaching critical mass, can I renegotiate without seeming like a jerk. YES YES YES.

Conclusion (final sorting place): 

I’ve included both the updated and original charts for each box.

This chart helps you protect yourself and create HEALTHY boundaries. No wonder you have been on high alert all this time, you had no way to quickly and efficiently take your well-being inventory and without that, it left you vulnerable to being deceived, swindled, betrayed, and abused. This helps create a PROTECTIVE barrier with the world. You don’t have to all of a sudden do what everyone else wants you to do ALL the time. You don’t need to buy someone a car just because they want you to because it makes them happy. That’s INSANE. YOU are NOT all of a sudden a DOORMAT. This chart helps you EASILY see that many requests from those you love are actually NON-Threatening and SAFE to engage in!! Thats the GREAT NEWS! THIS IS THE PART THAT MAKES IT A WIN FOR BOTH SIDES. You don’t have to be miserable to be with those you love. This chart helps you identify possible risks/damages, and compare them to what is at stake (The happiness of others you love), along with the possible benefits and make a logical, reasonable, and fair assessment of your situation.   If the risk is far beyond what you can expend, you are free to RENEGOTIATE the terms until you feel safe. This helps others see a fair representation of your resources as well, instead of being mislabeled as refusing to cooperate, you are showing them you don’t have the resources to accommodate the request. MOST people (especially loved ones) are actually reasonable when you can actually communicate effectively. I DONT want my husband to be in a situation that compromises him and makes his brain explode. I never want him to suffer again. I just never knew what I was asking hurt him the way it did, because it didn’t hurt me. Now he can see with this chart, that all those little things I ask, dont have to hurt anymore.

You can print these instructions and carry them with you so you can refer back and forth WHENEVER YOU FIND YOURSELF CONFUSED OR FRUSTRATED. Put it on your wall. Write out a few examples. Just do it enough times for your brain to grasp the concept and it will take over. I PROMISE. Your brain is AMAZING like that.

Fourth box

NAME: Beyond Control Folder (Box)

Purpose: Like the last box, this box is extremely important and will be used every day. This box is a BIG box but once you file things here, you can free your mind of its existence. This is the box you put things that you don’t have control over. Sometimes the existence will reoccur, or you will be dealing with the results of something for a while. Sometimes you NEED to care about these things even when you don’t want to. This box is the place where you can sort problems that keep spamming you so your brain doesn’t have to keep trying to figure it out. Things here give us life experience and help us relate to other humans, when you relate to other humans it’s easier to maintain friendships because you are relatable. Overcoming things here builds your character. The benefit of sorting things here quickly and efficiently is that it will help those you love to feel safe, secure and to trust you emotionally. Most importantly, when you file things here quickly, it CONSERVES mental energy.

Types of things that go in this box are things related to: Human nature. Other people’s choices, behavior, opinions, and feelings that you don’t like and can’t control. Perfection. People are not perfect, and neither are you. Mistakes are beyond your control. Unforeseen events. Death, car accidents, job loss, sometimes even schedule changes. etc… History. You can’t relive the past. You do NOT have a time machine. You can only LEARN from the past and make a change in the present and try to do better next time. Weather. If the rain has ruined your plans, you can file the disappointment here, don’t waste mental energy on the weather. Political disagreements. People are stubborn. Changing opinions takes LOTS of mental energy. Even with lots of energy, you often can’t change them. If you can determine that it requires way more mental energy to change a negative thing (like someone’s opinion) You can skip ahead and determine this BEYOND CONTROL and save yourself the wasted mental energy with beating a dead horse.

THIS HELPS YOU OWN YOUR POWER. You can STOP feeling helpless in your situation. If something is making your brain crazy, you can remember to sort it here and let your brain rest. If you find yourself in a crappy situation that you DON’T like. This helps you consider your resources you have to CHANGE the circumstances.

Measurement: RISK/BENEFIT. You are measuring if you have enough resources to change a situation and make it better. The benefit is the change in circumstances. The risk is the amount of energy it will require to change things.

When all 7 questions are answered with a NO you can Practice automatically sorting these stimuli to the “BEYOND CONTROL” Box.

When you answer yes to questions 2-7, you can asses if you have the time, energy and resources to fix/change the stimulus. If you DO NOT have the time, energy and resources to fix/change the stimulus, FILE TO BEYOND CONTROL

Reevaluate questions 1-7 after you make an attempt to fix/change stimulus.

Criteria for sorting:

Start with Stimulus/ Item to be examined:

Circle your answer

1. Ask yourself if this is something I can control now that the stimulus has occurred? Y/N (If NO, file beyond control and dont waste mental energy being upset about it)
2. Ask yourself if this is something I can and want to change/fix? Y/N or Irrelevant
3. Will fixing or changing this improve my well being? Y/N or Irrelevant
4. Ask yourself if you have the time, energy, resources to fix/change the stimulus? *Use the Energy Assessment Chart*
5. Ask yourself if the impact of this stimulus will last longer than this moment? Y/N or Irrelevant
6. Can I reevaluate this stimulus after attempting to change/fix it? Y/N or Irrelevant
7. Is this something I can prevent from happening again? ( if no, File beyond control)

 

I explained this concept of the boxes to my 8 year old Manny. He struggles the most out of the three Mannies in the house. He has meltdowns all the time. The next day him and his older brother were making Nutella sandwiches and he got a plate out. His brother grabbed the paper plate he had gotten out and started using it for his own sandwich . It was rude and careless, he wasn’t intentionally being a jerk, but it was pretty careless. Dreyson looked at him and said, “you can have that one, can you please not take my plate next time?” And walked to the cupboard and grabbed another plate and began using it without skipping a beat. MY JAW DROPPED to the floor. This child would have had a MELTDOWN that lasted 10 minutes at least over this type of hiccup. He would have been stuck on the fact that it was HIS plate that he got down. He would have repeated this for 10 minutes until someone got upset with him and made him stop. I know because this exact situation has played out several times in the past. I had to pause and dissect what happened and pick apart his brain and what it did in that moment. He was able to instantly decide he had THE RESOURCES to replace the plate VERY EASILY, his brain told him it WASN’T worth getting UPSET and that it was a SIMPLE FIX. He said the plate also made his brother happy. (BONUS) and he wasn’t mentally overwhelmed, so he USED his words to be able to convey how he expected to be treated next time (Creating boundaries). I asked him if he noticed how it made his brain feel. He said it felt really good. I asked him how his brain felt before when he got upset and he made a big face and giggled saying it was BAD. Yeah. WHOA. FLOORED. I was FLOORED. This was an 8 YEAR OLD using the boxes.

Common problems explained (Only using 2 “boxes” explains all the unexplainable and mystifying behaviors…)

AWARENESS DOES NOT EQUAL PROCESSING

Before now, We have talked about awareness. You’ve always interpreted it from your frame of mind. You ASSUME That because your loved one is AWARE of this new information we’ve presented, or even if they retain the information for a while, that they NOW know how to PROCESS this new information. To actually PROCESS something, the brain needs to be able to see how it relates to it. It relates in two ways; determining how much it threatens its resources OR how it has no negative effect on its resources. If it cannot DETERMINE THIS. The brain AUTOMATICALLY marks it as a high threat and rejects dealing with it. With NT brains, the new information is sorted into thousands of core boxes, the brain translates the data and automatically creates instructions for how it will be use. The manny Brain does this TOO but for all things that are logical to them. They’re incredibly gifted when it comes to all the crazy complex stuff that is so hard for my brain. Which is why I always thought his brain was processing the new (social) information I was giving to him.

Why your loved one seems SELFISH and unable to understand your feelings.

I CANNOT stress this enough. THIS IS NOT A REFUSAL. THIS IS NOT A REBELLIOUS ACT. THEY WANT to understand you more than anything. You must remember that all this time, they are working with ONE processing folder. (Necessary) They can ONLY PROCESS THINGS HERE. ONE. ONE PLACE. Only things that make sense and are reasonable to him. That means they can only process and understand things pertaining to themselves. The greek origination of autism is “Autos” meaning self. They literally can ONLY CARE ABOUT THEMSELVES because it’s LITERALLY the only file folder they have to process files to. Because to really process things, it MUST go in the file folder. He’s not really selfish. His brain is only valuing things that make sense to him because its the ONLY FOLDER HE HAS. It’s really nothing personal against you. YOU would do the SAME thing under their circumstances. This is basic human INSTINCT. WE all have it. They’re just forced to deal with it more regularly.

How your Manny fell in love and why it’s actually a great love story and why he thinks he makes great sacrifices for you when you seem to be asking for regular things- Spoiler alert. HE IS MAKING GREAT SACRIFICES.

For the longest time I thought he couldn’t possibly love me, let alone value me, he was constantly critical of me (I didn’t make sense) Indifferent to feelings, unaware of my needs and even when he became aware, he didn’t know HOW to care about them (He had no folder to process them to) But I’ve learned that whether he acts like it or not. He loves you. If you were to ask him flat out, he would be shocked that it wasn’t glaringly obvious his love for you is so deep and profound. He cannot connect his behaviors toward you (or negative ones- indifference, toleration, emotional insensitivity, anger, frustration) as an expression of love because they rarely ACTUALLY have to do with you PERIOD. What it really has to do with is that he is responding in confusion, and sometimes disgust to all the things he doesn’t understand. The fact that his brain can ONLY comprehend and process in his ONE folder, anything else must get deleted to free up mental space (dumped in the not necessary box). When you come along. he tries to process you, he can’t. He has one folder. So essentially you can clearly only exist in the trash bin of his mind. The neurotypical world is largely made up of things they can’t process. That place is overwhelming, confusing, frustrating, it overwhelms his sensations too. To exist there is painful, smelly, pointless.  Basically He thinks you’re asking him to come out and play and make snow angels in the trash, it might seem like you even are wearing trash. Twirling in a trash dress, asking him if you look pretty. He thinks You insist on adorning yourself with trash,  smelling like trash even (Smells that are adverse to his sensory issues). None of this makes sense. But He loves you, and you swear it’s important to you. So he believes you at face value because he cannot see the logic in your behavior. Sometimes he can get past all those things, Sometimes the best he can do is tolerate your trash. You wonder why he didn’t compliment your dress, which he can’t even understand why you like in the first place because its made of the trash bin files, (why would you waste money on that) It wouldn’t occur to praise something that has no purpose in the first place. But you tell him you like it when he admires what you wear. He says, but I think YOU are beautiful. I don’t care what you wear, that stuff isn’t necessary (they don’t understand the purpose of it)

Remember, things that don’t make sense are too hard to attempt to process and have to get tossed out. Sometimes he suspends processing, but even retaining these files requires mental energy. Whenever he visits you in the trash bin, he makes HUGE mental energy sacrifices. HUGE. Sometimes the things you want to do even require him pain sensory wise (ex: going to a loud place, a busy and overwhelming place, etc…) He is in pain and expresses it. Surely you can’t expect him to be in pain and LIKE it. You are shocked that he’s complaining about spending time with you and accuse him of not loving you, how he doesn’t care about your interests, and doesn’t value your opinion, How he doesn’t want to be close to you (Because maybe sometimes your actual perfume can overwhelm and repel him) 

He’s completely baffled that you can’t see how much effort he is making to just make you apart of his life. He’s making such HUGE mental sacrifices. Every day he fights his brain to include you because he DOES love you so much. He wonders HOW could that not be obvious. 

When your Manny fell in love. The part of his brain that controls emotions temporarily took over. We’ll just call it his heart. It went like this:

Heart: Meets a creature he finds fascinating. For the first time, his heart takes over the sorting system.  Stamps a label on the foreign specimen. WE LOVE this creature. File away as “necessary”. (Falling in love)

Brain: attempting to regain control, it sorts between necessary And the trash bin. Concludes it can’t fit In the necessary box. It must go to the trash bin (not necessary) 

sends conclusion to heart labeled “failure to compute” (attempts to try to observe you and see how you fit in his world. He’s shocked to see you don’t seem to fit) 

Heart: Responds frantically, this causes desperation, confusion, “RE-file, must incorporate!” (Anxiety, depression, panic at the idea he might not get to exist with you) 

Brain: DOES NOT COMPUTE, nothing about her makes sense. we can’t process her interests, we can’t process her feelings, we can’t process how she even chooses to adorn herself with useless things, she makes no sense, she will be marked for deletion in the trash bin.(his attempt to understand your fundamental existence in a world that doesn’t make sense) 

Heart: ANALYZE AGAIN  She is filed as necessary in my heart. I cannot live without her. Analyze and process her existence. (his attempts to make you happy) 

Brain: this is the definition of insanity. You are asking me to do the same thing and expecting a different result. *re-sort file attempt*  “does not compute” (his attempt to understand you) 

Heart: DO it again. (His attempts you make you happy) 

Brain: IT’S NOT WORKING, just discard and move on, preserve mental energy, live in the necessary box to preserve your mental energy. ( some relationships end here, they can’t figure out how to connect so they retreat and isolate themselves, when the relationship ship keeps going, this could look like barely living as roommates, he can’t put up with the things you like to do, he doesn’t want to engage—-because he can’t— it’s requiring too much mental energy. This is when he retreats to his special interests and either unknowingly goes to his necessary box or refuses to leave it) 

Heart: HOLD FILES, DONT DELETE. I can’t function without her in existence.

brain: I CANT do my job and function properly and try to incorporate her. (His inability to comprehend why you live in the trash folder)

heart: “RE-file this confusing human, I LOVE HER MORE THAN ANYTHING, find ANY place in your brain!”  (When he tries to respond to your invitations to connect, when he goes through the motions of doing behaviors you like him to do) 

Brain: “FINE, but the only possible place is the TRASH BIN! You can only exist with her there. We empty that daily for mental efficiency this will be a HUGE sacrifice to maintain these files.  We will tolerate all the behaviors that don’t make sense, we will hold things even though we don’t know why. “(This is why he may act like you inconvenience him, you’re behavior is pretty senseless to him, he cannot comprehend or process this)

Heart: “FINE, keep her there, *executive override* DO NOT DELETE FILES PERTAINING TO HER*. (Honeymoon phase, or periods of long good behavior, behavior toward you depends largely on their coping skills for exhausting mental energy) 

Brain: retains this confusing command, it goes against its basic desire to be mental energy efficient, holding these things is essentially costing mental dollars. We don’t have enough money to keep holding these files. (Their confusion as to why we care about things they don’t understand, it slowly builds up frustration, or they might appear miserable in basic everyday functioning) 

heart: KEEP HOLDING. DO NOT DELETE (I’m trying to care about what you care about, I’m doing this cuz I love her, it’s important to her, although I don’t know WHY it’s important to her) 

Brain: I have received too much extra Input, I must de-frag and empty the trash bin. (Becoming overwhelmed, overstimulated, they start shutting off different systems to preserve energy, the brain is about to burn out )

Heart: DONT! (Final attempt to Try to please us) 

brain: Deleted. Sorry. Too much for me to handle. (Burnout- this could be meltdowns, this could be a sudden disinterest In your life, complete disregard for your feelings, etc… ) 

Heart: I’m now at risk for losing this human, my heart can’t function without her, my heart will wither away and stop working. I’m begging you to please hold the files again. (This is when he responds to your ultimatum) 

Brain: OK, but I can’t promise to hold forever. Eventually, we need to find a sorting folder, that means eventually you will lose her. I only have room for one folder and that’s “necessary” but only things that make sense analytically go there. (Period of good behavior leading to burnout again) 

Heart: NO. She’s necessary for my heart, she makes sense in my heart. Please hold the files as long as possible. She’s so important to me. (This is when we demand they change behaviors or were DONE with them) 

brain: Ok but I’m not going to promise I’ll LIKE holding the files. (This manifests when they tolerate the things we do, say, feel, it’s the most they can do when they don’t understand us, the brain distorts us without a file folder) 

The cycle repeats until divorce or either of you goes insane.   He concludes he can never make you happy unless he is either miserable or you are miserable. So he tries again and again because, at his core, all he wants to do is make you happy. You love him and withstand the behavior that is often considered emotional abuse because you believe he has goodness and you can’t explain his behavior.

Now Romeo and Juliet has nothing on your love story. 

Why you can talk “sense” to him and never really get him to fully understand.

Remember, AWARENESS DOES NOT EQUAL PROCESSING. This is NOT willful rebellion. In the past, all you did was make him see a logical or temporary understanding. (You got him to understand something was important to you, but without a processing folder for it, all he knows is that it’s important to you, he doesn’t know WHY it’s important to you) They DON’T have ACCESS to this FOLDER to process and label it. This needs to happen to have actual comprehension and actual processing. He can only store files in his Trash BIN (Not Necessary) for so long before those things there require TOO MUCH mental energy. When an aspie has a meltdown. He is emptying the trash bin of his brain. 

Why he CANNOT (Not WONT) care about other people’s perspectives, emotions, opinions, etc…

AGAIN. They have ONE folder. There is NO place to process. They cannot add it to their necessary box. They do NOT understand other’s emotions, feelings, perspectives, etc… because they are not aware of other FOLDERS. There is NOWHERE for them to Process and store these things. This is easily solved when you show them. They want to know. Their brain WANTS to connect with you.

Why Change Is So Hard

Change happens when you ask your Manny to leave a place of logic and reason and enter an unknown (leave the necessary box and go to the not necessary box)

Change is also when you ask them to understand something that cannot be understood (when you tell them to care about something important to you, they think you are asking them to put something in their necessary box that doesn’t make sense)

Change is INCOMPREHENSIBLE and therefore UNABLE to be processed, because in order for them to process something, it MUST be filed in a folder. If they can see logic and reasoning in the change, they will retain the files, but still have no place to process them completely. 

Why your Manny gets frustrated.

Frustration always boils down to the inability to understand. Not understanding things is like LIVING in the TRASH BIN. To make matters worse. It’s USUALLY happening with multiple other things at once that they don’t understand. MOST of the neurotypical world does not make sense. Frustration always boils down to not being able to make sense of something. Therefore he cannot process. He is using TONS of mental energy here.

Example: Simply trying to figure out a nice way to say something. (he doesn’t know how and this causes him frustration) If he could say it bluntly, like an Manny in his natural habitat the necessary box, that would require no mental stress. The mere act of trying to figure out a socially acceptable way to say something can cause them to be frustrated and not want to communicate at all.

WHY he cannot let things go, or obsess over things

When a problem arises, The brain keeps spamming itself trying to get him to process something. He either tries to process it in his necessary box (essentially exerting mental energy like he’s wrestling a crocodile) or throws it away (file as not necessary). But because he’s still dealing with the stimulus, he repeats this cycle over and over and over. It may bother him that the mere existence of something in his sphere doesn’t have a purpose. (Something I didn’t know could really bother him because I automatically file things away to my beyond control box) His brain doesn’t want to even waste any more energy acknowledging its existence. Without another folder to file these types of things in, he doesn’t know how to stop. Until the stimulus stops, or he can logically solve the problem. 

Example: Yesterday my husband got frustrated (a sign he’s using two boxes) because the cell phone charger stopped working and his phone couldn’t charge. Chargers have a purpose and are logical because they charge phones. This has always been a critical part of his necessary box because it is predictable (it always charges, and it exists for this purpose) and it provides power to his phone that has his game on it, his phone also has the timer, and he needed that for work (we bake).

This item that was logical, was NOW serving no purpose. It made no sense. He tried to make it work several more times. (trying to understand and shove in his necessary box) But each time it made him more frustrated. (he was trying to make the concept of a broken charger fit his necessary box, but only things that make sense can be stored and processed here and broken chargers are useless and make no logical purpose)

The idea that a broken charger existed fried his brain (and he said it was probably made cheap too, cheaply made things are pointless)

After he tried to shove it in his necessary box, he wanted to discard it in his trash bin (not necessary) and empty the trash bin STAT. It was as if he wanted the charger to disappear before his eyes. Not only would it NOT disappear, BUT he was still dealing with a dead phone which prevented him from playing his game and using his timer. 

This inconvenience was like a spam pop up ad. Whenever he took the trash out, it came right back. Forcing him to deal with things that didn’t make sense, and therefore took up too much brainpower. 

He had NOWHERE to put that file. Or so he thought. 

Things like this belong in the “Beyond Control” Box. Once He learns to file things here, he won’t need to waste mental energy. Just like you can create an email filter, to filter things to certain categories in your email box, he can learn to create a shortcut in identifying things that go to BEYOND CONTROL automatically. 

I cannot help but be completely fascinated by the workings of his brain. Even when he gets upset. I just see what’s happening inside, if anything, I will NEVER be offended by his behaviors again, or ever take them personally. In fact, he’s the most fascinating creature to me now. I joke about how I feel like I’m this mad scientist tinkering around in his brain. Any type of interaction with him can now be deciphered.

As a Neurotypical, my brain automatically tells me I cannot control a broken charger, that I am not going to dissect it to fix it, that I can throw it away and just go get another one from the drawer. I will not even think twice about this. I may troubleshoot it a couple of times between cords and bases to make sure, but that’s about it. 

Why Mannies are SIMILAR but NEVER the same, and why they can get annoyed by other Mannies just like they will be annoyed by neurotypicals.

We have 3 Mannies at our house and while they have similar characteristics, it’s been interesting to see how they cannot handle (understand or see the logic in) each other’s differences. I understood that it was hard for them to tolerate neurotypical behaviors, but they can’t tolerate even other Manny’s behavior that they cannot understand. Because understanding is the deciding factor of PROCESSING. Every Manny has a different necessary box, while they may have TONS of things in common with other Mannies, anything that DOESN’T overlap will cause friction. They STILL can only comprehend and understand things in THEIR necessary box.