Part 3- When an Manny falls in love- An Epic love story

Here’s a super simplified story about this 2 box theory that blew our minds on Sunday.

Because the common thread in Mannies is their social impairments that requires so much extra energy to communicate, at their core for mental energy they’ve come up with a “mental energy budget.” The brain in distress shuts down and only keeps what it understands while rejecting what it doesn’t. So they absorb (sort) everything from 2 boxes. Only keeping information that’s necessary and sensible, and discarding as often as possible (not necessary, trash bin files)

1. Necessary-What is relevant, sensible and purposeful. Things here would be special interests, mentally Affordable things (ex: math is mentally affordable because of the patterns, etc) rules, rituals, routines. Those things live there.

This box is DIFFERENT for each aspie.

2. Not necessary- Mental waste, trash essentially, these things, people and sensory inputs can’t be explained, not relatable and their brain moves to empty out this box as often as possible. This is also unique to the perspective of each Manny. Unpredictable things live here.

They need to free up the mental space (or energy) to use for social interactions or communication.

This process was the only way the brain could have survived it the mental energy crisis. Since then, theyve been too busy trying to survive than consider there was a more effective updated system. “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” Some are fine living in their necessary box and never coming out.

Until one day they fall In Love. The heart takes over and its almost like the brain stops sorting for a while, holds its breath. Almost nothing about her makes logical sense, but he’s too busy enjoying this creature. She’s mysterious, she brings out a side of him he’s never felt before. He’s high on life. And then the brain takes a big gulp of air and starts sorting again. CRAP. Where will she go. Too many things about her are not logical. She only makes sense in his heart. She tries to invite him to come and play with her in the trash bin. His brain is repulsed at the idea of wasting energy in that box. His heart tries to shove her in his NECESSARY box, but that’s like shoving a square peg into A Round hole. This causes him so much mental distress as he frantically mentally wrestles to get her in that box. She just doesn’t fit.

His heart says he’s going to LOSE her if he doesn’t find a way to make her fit. She asks him to at least hold these not necessary (trash files) in his brain, because these are things that are important to her and she’s trying to share her life with him. He wonders how trash could ever be important to her, but holds her files because he knows that makes her happy.

So he tries, and it’s not as easy as it seems, and it seems like he’s not in love because he’s tolerating these trash files. To him they might as well be stinky. And it feels like he’s just tolerating her. He doesn’t act happy to be In Her world.

It’s only because these files arent sorted properly and take up too much mental energy.

Every day his heart fights his 2 box brain to keep the women he loves in his life. The brain keeps sending messages “does not compute” while his heart keeps saying, “but for some reason I love her, please find her a place. “

One day his brain gets so overwhelmed at the stacks of unsorted files, all files of hers, she says they’re important. But he has no place for them anymore, the stacks are too high and he can’t even walk. He gets overwhelmed and throws them out, she’s shocked, sad and disappointed that he doesn’t love her enough to keep her files. He kept trying, there was just no space.

She’s wondering how he seemed to hold the files just fine while they we’re dating.

His heart tells his brain that if he doesn’t hold more of her files, he will lose her, so he holds her files because he loves her. He’s worried he will never be able to hold all the files she wants him to hold. He’s also worried she will never see how hard he’s working to hold them. They keep repeating this cycle, he feels crazy, and she’s hurt that he doesn’t love her enough to hold her files. They’re important to her after all.

One day she comes over and brings a box that says “enrichment” and explains that other people don’t like to just live in the necessary box like he does, they like to live in the “not necessary” box, but because it makes them happy, they don’t think it’s not necessary, it’s enriching their lives.

She labels the box “enriching” and says, you can sort all the files that I want you to care about here, we can spend time together in this box. The stuff In this box creates memories, it’s worthwhile because these things matter to me.

She also tells him that she has a necessary box of her own. Back at her house. But her box looks different than his. That’s ok because we can spend time together In The enrichment box, there’s NO trash in the enrichment box. The point of that whole box is that it’s a place where we can be happy together. You come visit this box.

Now his mind is happy, every file is sorted and the trash can be taken out regularly, his heart is happy because SHE is finally sorted in the right spot. He gets to keep his brain clean and all things have order and a place. It no longer hurts him to keep her files and he no longer hurts her feelings when he has to throw files away, because he files all her important files under the “enrichment box”