The Social Code (algorithm)

Ok Mannies! Hot off the press🗣

I wanted to give you a social code I just figured out, i just finally put the pieces together and told Sean this on Sunday. The boxes actually naturally help with this when you use them, but sometimes it’s too hard to see how to apply them during conversations, etc… THIS IS NOT A LIST OF SOCIAL DO’S AND DONT’S! That’s a NIGHTMARE for a manual processor who is already thinking of so many things. I’m hoping this pattern will become automatic for you, let me know how your brain absorbs this in the comments. (My husband already started to subconsciously apply it)

The secret to navigating successful social interactions is to realize that the focus of your purpose for interacting has been off when interacting with Autos/Hypers. I’m sure you have felt it, but couldn’t figure out why you’re missing the mark! (And this is also why it’s easier with other Mannies.)

The focus of your purpose of social interactions has been primarily FUNCTIONAL, with occasional CONNECTION if you have the luxury of enough mental energy to do so. But this always leaves you feeling like the goal posts are being moved and you can never win. You may feel you rarely have successful social interactions. You’re left frustrated and scratching your head. That’s why you can have a conversation with another Manny and it’s successful because it was FUNCTIONAL. You probably exchanged some form of information that contributed to the conversation and you both are satisfied. As a result, you actually probably felt pretty connected and bonded even. Total win in the Manny world.✅

In the crazy world you find yourself in (where it can feel like every day is Opposite Day). The goal is actually—- the OPPOSITE… primarily. The reason is because autos/hypers are automatic when it comes to social stuff, so they navigate all their interactions with the primary purpose of connection, with functional being secondary. In reality they’re actually occurring simultaneously all the time, because hello, automatic🤖. (Cheaters! 😆)

To make it more confusing, you can actually omit FUNCTION altogether and still have a successful interaction, but you CAN NOT omit CONNECTION and have a successful social interaction. So here’s the code, I’ll explain more after that.

SOCIAL CODE (algorithm):

CONNECTION+ FUNCTION= SUCCESSFUL SOCIAL INTERACTION

*OR*

CONNECTION – FUNCTION= SUCCESSFUL SOCIAL INTERACTION

BUT…. (And that’s a BIG but!)

🚫WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT DO THIS⬇️ 🚫

FUNCTION – CONNECTION = SOCIAL FAIL.

So all the time you’re trying to focus on accomplishing the functional purpose of an interaction, you will always come up short and usually waste a butt load of mental energy.

The difference is like viewing dinner as a strictly functional purpose, to fulfill a need for hunger. If you’re not hungry, why would you stop to eat? 🍔 You might also decline because you don’t like (and therefore won’t be eating) the food being offered. That’s logical enough, if function was the ONLY purpose. But it’s not. This line of thinking is a result of mental SURVIVAL mode. When you are in survival, things are viewed by their FUNCTION.

In the auto/hyper world, think of their social brain like a Great Gatsby party. Nothing survival about it. EVERY social interaction is a chance to connect and have fun, the function is always secondary. But because those purposes are intertwined, the invite was actually an invite to spend time (connect) + eat (function). You can come to dinner (connect) and not eat (no function) and still enjoy the social interaction. But when you think we’re just asking you to eat, and you don’t need to, a decline looks a whole lot like personal rejection. You’re massively confused we took something as simple as eating, and made it about US. I know we look like narcissists.

We assume you knew. “Cuz like, duh, doesn’t everyone think exactly like us!?” Ok, I’m trying not to be HARSH on my own kind, but we’ve been so mean about it, but I plead insanity, on behalf of us all. Our brain did it without us knowing!! It’s automatic! 95% to be exact, (according to scientists!)

The code is so simple though, because you can have a successful social interaction when you focus simply on the CONNECTION. If you’re lost when it comes to the functional purpose, you can still be successful if you focus on the connection! That’s the good news.

So if you can’t keep up in a conversation, and it takes too much mental energy to contribute something functional (on topic), focus on the “connection” by keeping the “vibe” up, meaning being happy. Many times that just means smiling (genuinely) and keeping people talking about themselves! Less mental energy wasted and more positive social interactions. This actually is a major investment in your social resources, because it gives you opportunities for people to get to know you (even though you didn’t talk much yet.) This is because they feel GOOD around you and it becomes like a moth to a flame. You glow good vibes. This makes them want to talk more, get to know you, hang out and ACTUALLY find out more about you. When you realize autos/hypers are just cute little aliens with big eyes that just like to feel warm fuzzies and need smiles to keep happy, they’re not so scary! It’s almost like you can see them get charged with the good vibes and their chests glow. You can start a collection of them! Lol 😂

This need stems from the fact that their brains are automatically absorbing “vibes” and messages being sent by faces, body language, and tones. They’ve used this their whole life to know if they should feel good or not. (Imagine basing your feelings off other people! It’s inconceivable I’m sure) So they get scared and spooked if someone looks, acts, sounds slightly annoyed, they don’t know how to handle it. I know. We’re total wusses. Lol 😂 you’ve had no such luxury, just remember the Great Gatsby analogy. And try to envision any socialite of that day doing manual labor. Yeah, that’s the metaphorical mental equivalent.

Getting flustered kills the whole thing, you end up with everyone pearl clutching and then it’s wasted mental energy everywhere! And I know that you don’t want that. Just realize their need to connect belongs in your enrichment box (and it comes from THEIR necessary box)

These are unspoken rules of engagement, maybe someone has already figured this out somewhere, maybe I’m late to the party. I know for some of you, it’s not even worth the trouble. I’m not here to convince Mannies we’re worth interacting with, but I DO know many Mannies who would love to know how to finally get a WIN in the social realm. This is a recipe. Hopefully this helps!! As always, you’re free to ask questions, I will translate whatever I can!